So I read something today that straight up
pissed me off. Like burning eyes, lump in my throat pissed! I can’t express it
either because I am surrounded by professionals as we all plug away in pursuit
of our own ‘why’.
NewsCorp columnist and renowned broadcaster
Miranda Devine published an article on Sunday the 5th of February
titled Don’t
let your career make you a bad mother.
She opens with “I lost a friend to ovarian cancer last week, and at her
funeral her five children spoke tenderly and at length of her greatest
accomplishment — being a mother.” You read that and think, “Wow that’s deep,
the headline is clearly clickbait”. Devine then goes on in length to describe
how many women today are being coerced into pursuing their careers and become “feminist
warrior” against the supposed gender pay gap of the patriarchy. And there began
my shitty mood!
Coerced? Really? So you’re telling me the
brilliant, hardworking females I know, love and work with are only there
because someone put a gun to their head to become feminist warriors to fight
against the non-existent wage gap? Right, so then the 2016 study by the
Australian Council of Trade Unions, where it was found that over the last
decade men were consistently earning up to 20% more than women, must be total
hogwash. I mean of course men and women are making the same money Miranda, and
Santa and the Easter bunny are also real (no kids, Uncle Shiv is just angry! Of
course they’re real! More than Mrs. Devine could dream of being). Let’s put
this in perspective, in May 2015 the Australian Bureau of Statistics found the
average weekly wage of an Australian to be $1575.40 per week. That’s a total of
$81,920 per annum (or as I like to call it, the annual mortgage on that 4
bedroom house anywhere in Sydney!). Assuming the average working woman made
$81,920 last year, her male counterpart took home $98,304.96. That’s almost
$17,000 or $315 per week. Please Miranda; tell me again how the Gender wage gap
is a figment of the feminist warrior’s imagination.
For decades, women have fought, bled and died
to enjoy the basic freedoms that we blokes take for granted. The freedom to
vote, earn a wage in meaningful employment, do whatever they please with their
bodies. Women like Maya Angelou, Rosa Parks, Edith Cowan, and Julia Gillard
& Malala Yousafzai have dedicated their lives to being the examples so many
young women desperately need today. They have taught millions worldwide that
the constant pursuit of education, independence and women’s rights are not
worth fighting for but in some cases even putting their lives on the line for.
I thought, well surely she can’t piss me off
anymore through this article, but to quote Pacino, “Just when I thought I was
out, they pull me back in” and how! Devine then moves onto her next foot in
mouth moment with, “Motherhood is under
threat, as women are fooled into postponing their child-bearing years under the
illusion that IVF can defeat nature’s clock. Ubiquitous mothering blogs focus
on the mother at the expense of the child, teaching women that their worst
failing is “putting everyone else first”.
This one really hit a nerve with me. The idea
that any woman chooses, with all her wits about her, chooses to undergo IVF is
perhaps the greatest disrespect I have seen on all those faced with the
prospect of IVF. This one was real personal, it hit home far too strongly. It’s
taken me almost 12 months to put this to paper and I still don’t know why.
From the moment I asked my then girlfriend out,
I knew straight away, that I didn’t just want to marry her, but I couldn’t
imagine anything more fulfilling than having a bunch (a rather large bunch, but
that’s not up to me I’m told) of little babies with her. Babies with her eyes, nose,
personality and my last name. I was convinced we were destined to be parents
one day!
So after a year and a bit of enjoying being
married and all the stuff that comes with it, we decided to really give this
family thing a crack. Admittedly, we did believe the old wives tale of “when a
man really loves a woman, they hug each other and then God blesses them with a
baby”. So we didn’t get too military about it, we thought like all the amazing
things we’ve been blessed with, this too would happen. But after months of
unsuccessful attempts, we decided to seek help, so early last year, after
months of trying, we sought some advice from a fertility specialist. After a
barrage of tests and pills and potions, we came to a conclusion. One that
brought my world crumbling down, we would never be able to conceive naturally, the
reason? Well, in layman’s terms my ‘boys’ can float but they just can’t seem to
swim and so natural conception is done and dusted, fatherhood now hinges on
IVF, or ICSI more specifically. In an instant and rather cruel twist of fate,
it seemed the universe had decided to make this goal significantly harder. All
of a sudden our hopes and dreams were all pinned on three letters, I-V-F.
Fast forward a year, filled with fear,
trepidation, hope, faith and plenty of tears (and that’s just my own), Priya
now faces a challenge that is formidable, she faces egg retrieval, injections
,scans, treatment and no shortage of poking and prodding and intrusion. To say
to her, or any woman faced with her plight, some very dear to us, that they
chose IVF is not just wrong, it’s repugnant! This method to conceive is often
faced by couples who have no other option. It involves the woman constantly having
her personal space intruded and being the subject of a dozen or more tests. The
costs are no less than $10,000 a round (chump change for you perhaps Ms.
Devine, but for most of us in the real world that’s life-changing money).
Granted the government and private health funds do give you back a fair chunk
of that cost, it’s still no mean feat!
Furthermore, a mother who chooses to put herself
first is not selfish! I was born to hardworking, humble, middle class parents.
My mum gave my brother and me a beautiful home, food on the table, all the love
we could ever want and raised us to be the strong, hardworking men. She did all
this whilst she worked 50 hours a week as an Executive Assistant in a various
firms. She graduated university with a Bachelor’s Degree in Economics, at a
time when women were married at 19 and mums by 21. She epitomizes the meaning
of being a mum (and my old man is her biggest supporter), She has put her
children before everything despite being a successful, professional. If it wasn’t
for women like her across the world, none of us would be able to enjoy half the
life we have!
There is a point in that article, which I did
agree with Miranda on. She says that in a survey in the UK a third of working
mums would much rather stay home with their children than be out working. No
shit! Of course they would, but the fact of the matter is every working mum out
there probably needs to be at work. This was fantastically put by Em Rusciano,
renowned radio host, feminist and single mum, on her show this week when she
said “Miranda, I don’t wake up at 4am daily because it pleases me, I do it
because my kids now need IPad’s and laptops for school, I need to work to pay
bills and provide for them”. It must be tough for Miranda to fathom the average
battler’s life from high stunning ivory tower, but the truth is most working
women today probably need to be at work, so their families don’t suffer
financially, so they can enjoy a home of their own, food on the table and
provide their children with the possibility of being whatever they want. That’s
what my mum, my mother in law and sisters work for, to give their children the
ability to not just dream, but to go forward and conquer them.
Isn’t it enough, that a mum faces criticism or
questioning on her methods of motherhood, like it were an episode of shark
tank? Isn’t it enough that mums everywhere are faced with constant fear and
worry of whether they are doing a good enough job? Isn’t it enough that a mum
fights inner battles for choosing to leave her children in care so she can go
out and earn a buck or two? Why does that make her a bad mum?
Miranda ends her 1000 words of Sunday vitriol
with “Most women are smart enough to
understand that there are goals worthier than career status, even if they don’t
always have the luxury of choice.” Truth be told Ms. Devine, they are far
smarter than you could aspire to be, sadly it seems that in the pecking order
you still rate higher in earning potential. So unfortunately, they don’t have a
choice, they have to work, they have to earn but the silver lining, is that as
they choose to go forth and pursue their career despite being mum’s, we slowly
make opinions like yours irrelevant. We slowly work towards making it just fine to be
a mum and have a career and put yourself first sometimes.
To any mum, or prospective mum or a woman dreaming
of being a mum one day, that was unfortunate enough to read Miranda Devine’s
article, I say this. Don’t let the opinion of a few dictate how you feel about
this. Be proud, you are amazing, when God made a woman, he made her strong
willed, and determined, he made her this way in all her wisdom, so one day the
world would realise that women are amongst the most noble, powerful beings on the
earth. They are nurturing, loving and caring, yet they are strong beyond words,
possess infinite intelligence and perseverance. My greatest wish is to have a
bunch of daughters, in a world where they can be doctors or drill sergeants,
mums or mechanics, hell even both. I dream of a world where a woman chooses her
life, free of hate, chauvinism or fear! So to you Ms. Devine, I say F*** OFF!!!
