Enough! The status quo can f**k right off!!!!

For yet another year, International Women’s Day saw PM Scott Morrison pledge a record $328 million to initiatives to combat domestic violence and violence against women in general. This was yet another fantastic push by a government whom we love to hate, and showed much needed leadership in current times, where the statistics for women’s safety are sobering to say the least. On average one woman a week is murdered by her current or a former partner.

This rang true this week for one family in Western Sydney, with the grisly discovery of Sydney dentist Dr. Preethi Reddy. Her lifeless body stabbed and stuffed in a suitcase in the boot of her car. Preethi, was reported missing late Sunday after telling her family she would be home earlier that afternoon and a mere 48 hours later was found in the boot of her car. The details are still unclear, but it is alleged that he murdered this promising young woman in cold blood and then fled the city, subsequently killing himself by driving his car into oncoming traffic and striking a semi-trailer.

The outpouring of grief has become the norm, the Facebook posts, the dining table debate and all that. One thing remains the same however, well, two really. One, women are still not any safer in this country, despite the money and resources being directed into DV initiatives. They are still being beaten, raped and murdered with no signs of help from anyone around them. Two, South Asian men (perhaps men in general, I am not educated enough to make that assumption) continue to have an air of invincibility about them, that they are entitled to whatever they lay their eyes upon and nobody can question that, least of all women. This will no doubt attract the ire of the “not all men” brigade, and perhaps they are right to feel hard done by. My question to them, is how long do we play the “one or two rotten apples” card? Has there not been enough lives lost, blood spilt, and families and lives destroyed? We can sit here and hypothesise this incident for as long as we want, but there are some hard truths we can no longer ignore! 

Our community continues to put males, young and old, on these pedestals which allow them a cloak of immunity of sorts. It gives rise to the very toxic entitlement that forms part of the masculinity that is so revered in the community here and overseas. Since the finding, I noticed social media was flooded with comments questioning, why Preethi was out so late? Why did she meet her Ex? Why was she in a hotel with another man?. If you believe or perpetuate these statements, honestly you ought to get your head checked! She was a professional, adult woman, who had the right to do as she pleased that night, and most importantly had a right to return home to her family safe and sound. Make no mistake, that was her right, not a privilege!

Our community will smash a woman’s image from pillar to post if she is seen with a male (friend, counterpart or even a partner) in public but should our sons or brother’s do the same, then its “boys will be boys”. We raise our children in a society where we make no secret of the fact that male children are preferred in the community, and so begins an uphill battle for every female born into a South Asian family. They battle for the most basic freedoms in the world, which are given with no hesitation to us males. As I look back at my own life, I constantly joke that I was raised as a daughter. I had curfews, I was not allowed to go partying every weekend, my parents knew my friends and would not have me out with people they did not know. Whilst I hated this in my late teens and early 20’s, I look back on it now and am so grateful for what it taught me. Being a man did not entitle me to anything more in our home, and thereby in the world. I learnt early on that I had to work just hard as the next person, and my gender did not qualify me for preferential treatment. I am most grateful to my mum today for driving this into my head. It’s a lesson I no doubt will look to pass on to my son as he gets older. That you’re born a male was a matter of chance, but that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything in this world. Your place in this world is directly proportional to the work you put in and the respect you earn!

Stop sympathising with killers, stop mourning two lives this week. A young woman is dead for no reason apart from what appears to be a case of a man scorned. To sit here and question her character or motives is to spit on her grave. If proven, then Harsh Narde’s legacy is that of a killer. Yes, he was someone’s son, sibling and friend, but that does not exclude him from possibly being a killer. To mourn him in the same sentence as Dr Reddy is the gravest of insults to her family. They must now face life without their beloved daughter and sister. They have been subject to this for eternity, and nothing will change that now.

I am the first to admit, the shift away from a patriarchal mindset is not an easy one nor is it quick. It will be well beyond my lifetime even perhaps, but the work must commence now. We can’t afford to keep losing our sisters, friends, wives and mums.  As a community, as men and as human beings we need to be better! Our grandparents and parents may not have had the luxury of the resources and technology we have but I can assure you that many of them would agree that the gender of a child has no bearing on whether he/she enjoy privileges or not.

As we commemorate another International Women’s Day, I can’t stress enough how much the time of talking and promising is done. We, as a community, and men in particular must do better, we must want more for our daughters, sisters and friends as they traverse their way through this world.  Male children are no more a gift than females. They are not destined to better futures than females and they are not going to be better children than females. Cut this myth short as soon as you hear it, that’s how we can start. Women work hard to help themselves and scale new peaks in their lives, the least we can do is not perpetuate bullshit patriarchal psychobabble. Stop crippling our girls from a young age to believe they are inherently lesser. My life has been blessed abundantly by strong, powerful and inspirational women. I am the product of a working mum, a spouse to a bad ass career woman and super mum and an uncle to stunning nieces. My greatest dream for those young girls is to be whatever their heart desires! To all the Queen’s in our life, we thank you, we love you and we are eternally grateful for you.